By: Jake Henson
Everyone: this is Jake Henson’s first solo post, his first post being our awesome staff trade deadline roundtable. Enjoy!
It’s been a frustrating season in Brooklyn, no doubt. Improvement in 2014 has brought about some optimism, but it’s awfully hard to see this squad getting past the 2nd round unless a certain point guard stumbles upon a stash of Michael Jordan’s ‘secret stuff.’
I’ve found myself resigned to the inevitable and have started enjoying Nets games again for what they are, sporting entertainment. I’m trying not to dwell on results and just enjoying the quirky, fun and at times frustrating characteristics of the 2013-14 Brooklyn Nets.
On Saturday night I watched the loss at Golden State from the sofa in my apartment and with the assistance of a considerable amount of refreshments. As the game went on and I started to get a little bit toasty and creative, I started to fiddle around with the idea of a Nets drinking game. Every time something happened that I thought was enjoyable, frustrating, humorous or typical of this group of players I would take another sip.
The result: I awoke Sunday morning with a hangover that seemed like it would outlast religion and a very basic set of rules. Since then, I have fine-tuned the concept into what it is today: a well-oiled drinking game machine.
So sit back, relax and get absolutely marinated from your comfort of your own home as you enjoy the best, and the worst of your 2014 Brooklyn Nets (if you’re over 21).
Level 1 – 1 drink
A decent sized sip out of that beer should suffice here. Expect these things to occur quiet often over the course of a game.
- Every time Deron Williams hits the floor clutching his head, knee, ankle, arm, shoulder, back or face. And no, I wouldn’t dare call him soft.
- Every time Deron Williams pleads his case with the refs
- For every Brook Lopez rebound (sorry I couldn’t help it)
- Every time Kirilenko looks like a zombie during the course of the game.
- Mirza Teletovic personal foul followed by a confused look on the Bosnian’s face.
- Every time Blatche gets his opponent to bite on a pump fake.
- Paul Pierce mid range bullet jump shot made
- Losing the third quarter: it happens every time!
Level 2 – 2 drinks
Two sips this time friends… don’t be shy.
- Mirza Teletovic 3-point shot made
- Mason Plumlee alley-oop
- Andray Blatche leading the fast break Magic Johnson style for a score. #PointBlatche
- Everytime the announcer mentions Shaun Livingston’s recovery from shocking knee injuries
- D-Will crossover and bucket
- Missed lay-up or dunk from the Black Larry Bird – Blatche
- Kevin Garnett makes his famous ‘one dribble pull-up’ jumper
- Brook Lopez assist
- A frustrated Kevin Garnett slams the ball into the floor after a defensive lapse from one of his teammates or a bad foul called from the ref.
- Humurous Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel on-air banter
Level 3 – 3 drinks
After 3 sips you should have consumed AT LEAST one third of your beer. Be honest with yourself, your buddies and your fellow fans here, we don’t accept shortcuts in Brooklyn.
- Mason Plumlee chase down block from behind
- Andrei Kirilenko back door cut for the easy lay-up
- Andray Blatche gambles on a steal and gives up an easy dunk or layup
- When the Bayou Bomber (Marcus Thornton) drains a 3
- Andray Blatche traveling violation
- Mason Plumlee reverse-double handed girls dunk-drop it in shot (C’mon, you know the one)
- Joe Johnson shows any sort of emotion other than his stock standard poker face.
Level 4 – Shot
It’s time to break out the Fireball, Tequila or whatever your poison may be. Because when these things happen, it’s time to get rowdy.
- Deron Williams dunk
- Joe Johnson buzzer beater or game winner
- Announcer comments on Jason Kidd not wearing a tie on the sidelines anymore
Jake Henson is an Australian born NBA writer. You can follow him on twitter here: @jwhenson_
Brooklyn's Beat 
